Drop the Dead Cat!

Week Two of the election we had to have.

For those who came in late, last week the story that wouldn’t go away was Duncan Storrer’s question to the Q&A panel.

As this weeks follies draw to a close, the buzz-word on everybody’s lips is “Dead Cat”, a response to Peter Dutton’s painfully stupid comments on border protection earlier in the week.

In case you’ve been living in a cave for the past few days, the term arises from the technique of providing a distraction to draw attention away from issues embarrassing to the government of the day.

When the penny dropped with the MSM that Dutton had provided the afore mentioned moggie mort, to draw the heat away from the Duncan Storrer story, pundits at Fairfax and The Guardian leapt to their word processors in a frenzy of inspired hind-sight and churned out six nearly identical stories, each including a long winded explanation of the meaning of the phrase. Even First Dog on the Moon got into the act!

But what does it all mean?
Not much really. The heat from the Storrer story was getting hotter and there was a chance that some bright young wonk might accidentally mention the dreaded ‘U-word’; Unemployment. An issue that neither party wants to bring to the fore.

The Coalition because it casts a shadow over Malc’s mantra of ‘Jobson Groeth’, especially in the light of the latest unemployment figures from giggle department down at the ABS.

Let’s face it, it’s difficult to sell a shining vision of economic growth built on abolishing penalty rates and cutting wages at the best of times, without some bespectacled Morlock popping up and asking awkward questions on national television.

Labor’s not too keen to discuss unemployment either, with Shorten vacillating whether the ALP will pull its finger out and return to its root commitment of full employment , a move that would necessitate larger deficits, or make a feeble attempt to convince the electorate that “Labor will reduce unemployment to 5%”.

Try harder, Bill.

With over a million Australians under or unemployed, a return to full employment is a walk up start for votes, and try to keep in mind that deficits aren’t a good thing or a bad thing – they’re a necessary thing.

“…Would you like wages with that?”
No wonder the arches are golden. According to Fairfax, Macca’s, Woolies and Coles have been microwaving a sweet deal with the Shop, Distributive and Allied Employees Association (SDA) and short dicking staff on wages to the tune of $50mill a year.

Described as “the famously employer friendly” union, as well as ‘Labor’s largest union affiliate” (insert Dead Cat here), the SDA is latest devolution of the Groupers, a jolly collection of right wing catholics of the 40s and 50s who banded together to fight communist influence in the Union movement and were strongly influential in keeping the ALP out of government for 23 years- star player and head-kicker for the team; Bob Santamaria.

Things weren’t looking so good for Ronald and friends this time last year with global profits down by 15%  and business analysts shaking their heads and muttering about having “a long way to go to becoming a sexy brand.”

By October, Macca’s had their mojo back according to Market Watch with shares jumping 7% to $US109.66 on Wall St. In Australia, MacDonald’s profit margin increased by 2% to a low fat $2.4 billion. Clearly a sound reason to underpay the workers by $50 million a year.
“… Would you like to try a union approved Chicken Grouper Burger with that – it’s a combination of right wings and arseholes.”

“…Would you like wages with that?” 2

Shock, horror! Greens leader Richard Di Natale has been unmasked as a closet neo-con and plantation capitalist after it was revealed that he had payed a pair of au-pair girls as little as $3.75 an hour (…wonder if they were SDA members?) on the advice of a “pay roll services company.”

It also appeared that in keeping a long standing tradition among politicos, Dick had forgotten to declare his farm as part of his assets. Perhaps Dickie’s been pal-ing around with Arthur ‘Mr Memory’ Sinodinos.

Di Natale was quick to offer a plausible explanation but the damage has been done.

Never mind Richard, chances are that you may get to spend a lot more time at ‘Twin Gums’ after the election. The Greens support for changes to the rules governing independent candidates election to the Senate has not sat well with many of the party faithful nor with admirers of democracy in general.

Independents may be the bug-bear of the major parties, but the electorate like the idea of non-aligned senators ‘keeping the bastards honest’ and analysts forecast dire consequences for The Greens on polling day, with some predicting that the party will be reduced to one seat in the Senate.
If the predictions are correct, then Dickie’s term as leader will be very short-lived.

Scott Ludlam, anyone?

Shiny, happy people
As Friday rolled around, Dutton’s dead moggie had done its job and the usual sense of idiocy was restored across our wide brown land.
Barely a word was mentioned about the government’s total lack of direction or the disunity tearing it apart.
Malc, damping down Dutton’s idiotic declarations while looking his shiny, happy, bag of shit self, assured voters that Australia’s multicultural success was due to “strong border protection” which would be put at risk if Labor were to regain government.
Malc reminded one and all that; “there is barely I day goes by that I don’t celebrate that we are the most successful and harmonious multicultural nation in the world.”

No doubt Malc toasts the notion with a glass of chilled Rothschild ’57 while reminiscing that the waves of migrants who came to Australia under the Columbo Plan usually voted Liberal despite coming from countries with socialist or left leaning governments.

It’s bit hard to convince the current lot about the joys to be found in a free-market economy by voting Conservative when you imprison, torture and rape them or drive them to suicide.

That’s it for this week, let’s see what Week Three brings.