Pygmies and Poltroons: These are a few of my favourite things…

Week Three of the election we had to have

Thank Christ for Barnaby Joyce!

If hadn’t been for Barney’s remarks about mind fucking Johnny Depp and the cessation of live cattle exports to Indonesia being directly responsible for the increase in all manner of ethnics arriving on the shores of our wide brown land and demanding asylum, there’d be very little to write about this week.

B.J.’s brain farts have been examined in depth elsewhere, so let’s not dwell on them any further.

The fact that there’s not much to dwell on after a dull, dull, week in politics has been duly noted by Waleed Aly and Guy Rundle who point out that Australia is in an election campaign with no singular defining issue as the center of debate.

Which leaves the MSM with a lean and hungry look and not a lot to do but poke at trivialities and pray for a monster gaffe or even better; a scandal.

Scandals however, are a bit thin on the ground this week and ten year old footage of a former Young Liberal and now candidate for the seat of McEwen, Chris Jermyn, involved in “racist, homophobic, sexist chants” , or that an interjector yelled; “Answer the question, Malcolm!” during Turnbull’s reply to Michael Long’s speech at an AFL match on Saturday is hardly the stuff to make the electorate recoil in fascinated horror.

I guess those ‘Former PM dies on job while schtupping former Chief of Staff’  headlines will have to wait awhile.

For Economics tragic’s there was;

Clash of the Pygmies! 

The Bowen-Morrison debate on economic policy which was hoped by many to be a smack-’em down, drag -em out clash between the free-market ideology and some common fucking sense, turned out to be duller than spending an evening with Tom Hanks.

Morrison and Bowen stuck firmly to party policy and served up the usual bubble and squeak; deficit reduction, profligate spending, black holes, budget blow-outs… yadda, yadda, yadda, with neither candidate offering anything new.

Morrison did his utmost to convince the viewing audience that he could bore an arsehole in a wooden horse, while Bowen who aspires to be the next Treasurer, still seems to have no idea that budget deficits aren’t a good thing or a bad thing but a necessary thing.

Neither Bowen or Morrison mentioned the “U” word – unemployment – save for sloganeering, and Malc and Bill certainly don’t want break the chain.

The only mention of unemployment as the sleeper issue of the election came from the unexpected source of  Business Day columnist Harold Mitchell,  who in a long  and rambling narrative about his  father, the woman down the road, and pollster Gary Morgan, came to the conclusion that there’s too much black money in the economy and that paying penalty rates is the bug on the windscreen of the pace car of free market progress.

Way to go, Harold! No doubt the unemployed will greet the chance to work a couple of hours a week schlepping coffee and picking up shit for $10 an hour while working for the dole in the down time with warm enthusiasm.

Other minor rib ticklers this week, was the announcement that the Fair Work Ombudsman is promoting a dob-in service for workers who are being short changed on wages.

Malc’s pledged more power, more funding and greater penalties for FWO first thing after lunch with Russ Withers.

This weeks malaise was summed up nicely by the author of Smelly Tongues, Ross Sharp, who wrote on his FB page:

“Seriously, how many stupid people can one major political party have and still manage to survive?

We have Michaelia Cash, so-called Minister for Women. There’s Greg Hunt. Peter Dutton.

Then Eric Abetz, Cory Bernardi. Abbott’s still farting about.

Then the idiot today who got reamed because he didn’t have a clue about the Coalition’s health policy. These people are in charge of important things.

Where the fuck do they come from?

I know there have always been morons in politics, simply because they couldn’t get a job in the real world.

Who the fuck are these people?

Why are they?

There’s Matthias Corman, who’s never been able to answer a question he’s been asked. The late Joe Hockey. Scott Morrison. And now Turnbull, who seems to have fully embraced the thug-life philosophy of Abbott, and has begun to sweat panic every time he’s on camera/microphone.

Seriously, these people are shit. They’re fucking awful. Not just as politicians, but as human beings. They’re shit.

The dregs of society. The dregs of civilization. They’re the abortions their mothers forgot to have.

I mean, if you were pregnant, and someone told you your baby would grow up to be any of the above, you’d probably bust your arse to try and have it scraped, bagged and flushed.

Or reach for the nearest coathanger. Seriously. For fuck’s sake.

They haven’t got a fucking clue. About anything.

The lights aren’t even on, because nobody is ever home. Ever. Nobody has ever been home. No wonder people want to spit on them.”

That’s it for this week, let’s see what next week brings.

In the meantime, here’s Willie with a few words of advice for those on the campaign trail.