In an exclusive show-biz scoop, The Post has learned that the Coalition’s entertainment unit N.F.I Productions, is getting ready to remake the Three Stooges!
Oh, happy day!
Let’s face it, who among us latte-sipping, tree hugging, tofu munching Lefties does not appreciate the subtle comedic nuances of the judicious application of a ball peen hammer to the forehead, or pinch bar up the nostrils, a carpenter’s saw run across the top of the scalp, or a red hot clothes iron applied to the buttocks?
Not your correspondent that’s for sure!
The announcement comes as good news in the wake of the lame-o Hollywood remake of 2012 which left most Stooges fans bitterly disappointed.
N.F.I and parent company 20th Century Fuxx, have assured The Post that the new production will be absolutely faithful to the original and that casting has already begun with Corey Bernadi firming as the front runner for the twin roles of Moe and Shemp. Wow! What a guy.
“Corey’s amazing in the double role” confided a crew member, “but he’s having a little trouble with section 18C of the script.”
Also firming for the role of Larry is Bob Day, who pipped another Larry – Larry Pickering for the part.
“We felt that Bob was better for the role than Pickering” N.F.I. honcho Howard Eyenoh, told The Post.
“Bob had the right amount of vacuity required, and his recent statements that kids wages should be cut and their hours extended so that employers could make more profits proved it. Whereas Pickering’s career has been a thirty year long skid mark into obscurity and despite his recent efforts to attract publicity by drawing cartoons of Mohammed and then seeking police protection, Larry turned out to be just another dick.”
Stooges fans will be doubly delighted that the role of Curly will go to David Leyonhjelm.
“It’s fabulous news”, said president of the Society For Unrestricted Access To Automatic Weapons While Stoned Out of Your Mind, Fred “.50cal” Flashbang.
Unfortunately, The Post was unable to get any further statements from Mr. Flashbang due to restricted visiting hours at the asylum but he did manage to shriek “Dave’s a natural, Dave is Curly!” as he was dragged back to his cell.
Rumour also has it that non-stop wit and stand-up comedian Scott Morrison, is on standby as Curly Joe.
However as Stooges fans usually agree that the character of Curly Joe was always piss-weak compared to Curly or Shemp, it’s likely that he’ll be “replaced by a dog whose arse we’ve shaved and taught how to walk backwards” admitted a cast member who did not want to be named. Guess that’s showbiz, eh Scottie?
Dennis Dugan, director of several Adam Sandler films was slated to oversee the project but has quit citing “artistic differences.” “The whole thing was just too damned high-brow for my tastes” he said.
Dugan has been replaced by newbie P. Credlin.
When asked by The Post if she felt up to such an onerous task, Credlin replied; “Are you kidding? I’ve been directing these morons for years!”