SERMON ON THE MOUND

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… and lo, it came to pass that Saint Anthony of the Abbey of Costello and his tribe of Bedlamites did find themselves in the pit of shitty polls.

And fear did grip the Bedlamites and they beseeched St. Anthony to call upon Rupert on High to deliver the Myth of Surplus to blind the Philistines and wreak havoc among their enemies.

Saint Anthony answered not but did place himself at the shallow end of the pit and did take the earth between his hands and form a mound.

He ascended the mound and sayeth unto them; Be not afraid!

For verily the deliverance from our enemies shall by by their own hand.

And the Bedlamites were sorely vexed by this, and Pillock asked of St. Anthony; What meanest thou?

St. Anthony smirked the smirk he had learned from the Abbott of Costello, and gently spake unto Pillock; Our enemies will embrace the lie of Surplus.

For in their haste to revile us, they shall cast accusations of profligate spending and shall fall into the time-worn trap of the argument, ‘who are better managers of the economy?‘. 

And there shall be those among them who have seen the light and argue that like a Jinn, the pursuit of Surplus shall bring forth havoc among the private sector  who are restrained by their own ability to create income whereas governments incomes are not.

They shall proselytize the need for Stimulus from which the benefits are manifold, and they shall argue this with clarity and shall point to to the times of their forefathers as proof thereof.

But they shall be hectored  by those whose faith is sorely misguided.

These are the Pecksniffs, and shall be known by their want to have the last word on all and any.

For yea and verily I say unto you, this is the thing which Pecksniffs do covert most and they shall labour mightily with their internet posts and comments to bring forth Bubble and Squeak for their toil.

For they shall forsake the knowledge that all economics is simply theory in favour of politicising deficit, in the hope that  their slings and arrows would smite us.

But I say unto you, that their memories play them false.

For they have forgotten that Rupert on High hath fixed the falsehood into the public consciousness through his instrument Howard.

For it was he, who gestured hypnotically and clouded their minds so they could not perceive that in arguing over the Myth of Surplus or the minutiae of economic theory and nomenclature, they are delivering themselves into our hands.

Verily, their own vanity and pride shall lead them back into the wilderness from which they were cast in the time of the false prophet Beazley.

And upon hearing this the Bedlamites did rejoice, and they were lifted from the pit of shitty polls.

And Berk did lift his voice singing hosanna’s to Howard and unto Pecksniffs, until St. Anthony told him to; “Shut the fuck up!”

Here endeth the lesson.

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6 Comments

  1. And Gourd spoke thus: “Believeth not in thy false prophet Sir Plus for he counteth poorly, and considereth that the number eleventy is the count of the Holy Hand Grenade. But is it only three. Three being the number! Not more. Not less. Should’st thy count beyond the number three, the Holy Hand Grenade that thy doth hold shall blow up in thy face before the number known as four!”

    Reply

  2. We know that St Anthony has probably rendered himself partially deaf from an excess of you-know-what, so what’s the odds when he hears “Surplus” he confuses it with the Sibilant One, the agent provocateur of Original Sin.

    Curiously, the forked tongue would suggest a shared phylogeny.

    Could St Anthony be the Devil?

    Reply

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