MATTY C’s DIARY – POST EXCLUSIVE!

Hockey:Cormann Fart

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Frike! It hass all gone to rad schiessen two-day!

Another frikking day, another frikking prizz conference!

I’d chust arroived at zer orfice und vos chain jing into mein best brown shirt vile admiring der box like shape of mein kopf  und zinking how it vos the mark off a true Aryan, ven Terny told me zat he vanted to haff a meeding mit him und Choe.

Gott in Himmel!

Dorking to Choe is loike dorking to a Vilderbeest!

In fect, you’d get more sense out of a Vilderbeest!

Zey vanted me to exploin zer impect of der Budchet to people dot it moit haff impect on.

Diss to me is rilly fugging stupid.

Of course id’s koeing to haff an impect!

It vill haff the same impect as dryffing zer Panzerpahwagen  at full speed into a crowd  in Leopoldville on Congo National Day!

Bud zat’s zupposed to be zer plen, nein?

Ve round up all ze olt und all ze yunk mit no verk, und zend zem to der West.

Ven people ask; Vere are mein Vernwandtschaft?

Ve vill tell zem; ‘Zey haff gone to ze West!’

‘Now, no more questions or we vill nail your kopf to ze vardrope!’

Terny voss floading ze idea zat ve could haff an advertizing Kampagne to dell ze volk how ze Budchet was really wunderbar und how living unter a tin sheet voss really goot for ze olt peoples health.

Ve vere chust dizzguzzing dis ven Christopher Pyne zdug his het indoo ze bunker und joint us.

At virst, I vasn’t sure about der Christopher. He is vot ve call in Eupen; ‘a girly-man.’

Bud, unterneath it all, he is really a vicious, nasty wenig fotze und zo ve get long quite well.

He voss haffing zis idea zat ve kood get zer money from ze dead people who vere owingk vrom ze Eggs debt.

Choe vos very enthusiastic about dis bud Terny zaid zat it voss too hart to get it out off zere hans vunce rigor mortis hat zet in.

Christopher voss fairy dizzappointed. Zen, ze meeding voss kaput because I had to go to ze prizz conference.

I told ze media about our proposed plens und ven dey interrogated me, I tolt zem nuzzing.

I set, it’s all in ze plenning staych and I know nuzzing -nuzzing!

Strangely enuff, zey belieffed me!

Purgatory 2

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