EXCLUSIVE TO THE POST; TONY’S TUMBRILS – OH, WHAT A FEELING!

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THE PUBLIC GOOD !

Only hours after Toyota announced that it would close its Australian car manufacturing plants, industry minister Ian Macfarlane has announced a bold new plan for producing vehicles built in Australia.

The Post’s motoring editor ‘Petrol Ed’ Maggs reports.

The vehicle building industry is buzzing with excitement following the announcement by the government, that it plans to revitalize the manufacturing sector with plans for building a new clean, green vehicle designed specifically for Australian needs.

Known as the ‘Tumbril’, this sturdy two wheel drive all purpose, all weather vehicle will be constructed entirely of timber logged from Tasmania’s natural heritage forests, before being turned to wood-chips and then exported to Korea, where it will be compressed under heat and high pressure to be converted into panels.

Australia will then import these panels from Seoul to be used in the manufacture of the Aussie Tumbril.

During a special presentation held at the Melbourne Convention Centre and under the watchful eye of Peta Credlin, the Prime Minister flanked by the Minister for Industry Ian Macfarlane, unveiled three prototypes of the new mode of Australian transport.

‘The basic model will be called the Tumbril Tony, while the slightly more upmarket version will be known as the Turnbull Tumbril’, Macfarlane said.

While journalists crowded around, the minister proudly pointed out the environmentally friendly features of each vehicle, noting that air-conditioning was now a thing of the past due to the ‘flow through effect’ design of having only two planks fixed top and bottom which allows air to move freely through the main body of both models.

‘Just think of how much greenhouse gas will be eliminated’, he enthused. ‘No need for a carbon tax with this baby!’

‘The wheels are made entirely of wood, as are the ‘drive’ shafts’ and these can be operated by attaching between two or four former employees of a car manufacturer to the harness straps in order to provide the necessary power.’

Saving the best for last, the minister then unveiled the ‘Free Marketeer’ model (pictured below) which he said would appeal to the sporting enthusiast in every Australian.

‘The government is seriously considering making this model our number one export’ claimed the P.M. ‘Once we begin mass production of this model, the government foresees the Australian manufacturing sector as being on a down-hill run all the way!’

When asked by The Post if the government expected any sales resistance from the Australian public to the new vehicles in light of the fact that tumbrils had been traditionally used to transport manure or prisoners to execution, Mr. Abbott looked slightly nonplussed before replying; ‘What’s the difference?’

copy_of_copy_of_billy_cartThe Post’s exclusive pictures of the ‘Free Marketeer’ model and the new hope of Australian manufacturing.

7 Comments

    1. It would seem that all Betz are off as far as Erica is concerned. With the Academy Awards only weeks away, Tony and the boys should have the own award for best feigned surprise by a pack of utter bullshit artists.

      Reply

      1. Me too Marfi, but I like to try and keep it as nice as possible. Although here at the luxurious high-tech offices of The Post, the hardworking staff are seriously considering awarding another ‘Porous’ (Poor-as-piss-performance) Award to Lap Band Joe Hockey.

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